::week:: / Thursday, September 14, 2006
hi. been a week since i posted. had no time..maybe i had. but was in no mood. had that sinking feeling again. that kind of feeling where you feel so gloomy inside, but you try to force to smile outside. and people take it for real. but you have absolutely no idea how come you have that feeling (again). it's so sudden..nvm, you won't understand even if i write it down.
psle oral listening. [i'm sorry if i write it in a..say, sad tone] it was quite easy actually. esp. el listening. cl chinese listening, during the break, alot of pple were debating on Q4's answer. alot of pple put (1). but i put (3). and lynn, changrui and shengsiong too. i heard it was correct. haha, yay. i think zhou lao shi told 6K after the listening. i guess why the people got wrong is because they used their common logic. not that the above mentioned (including me) have no sense/logic. it was BASED on the text. but its over, we can't change it. no, we cannot.
lots of things happened. the past one week. been eating good food! lol. and gonna eat more at night. yay! becos it's my mother's mother's bdae. i do not wish to call her my
wai po because of personal reasons. thankyou. i'm there for the food only. say whatever you please, i know i'm evil and have no respect for elders, okay. sigh.
i'm tired already. i'm tired of doing all this..i'm tired of existing. and putting up with so many different people. to please them, you just ain't yourself anymore. it's difficult to find someone you could act so naturally with. not even my parents. sigh. it's just so difficult. i'm tired of putting on a mask everytime. everything..i'm tired.
i can't cry anymore. because there's no reason to do that. and i have used up my limited supply. i can only feel my sould crushing and crumbling. my tear ducts don't work anymore. because, i've already become someone..no, something, hollow. even if i want to cry, i can't. what's the use when it won't help anything. life is like bubbles. so fragile. but when you're in light, it reflects like a thousand rainbows - so beautiful and cute. bouncy. but it won't last - those happy times...they'll pop and..vapourise.
so many things on my mind. jin told me something that i cannot tell. NO, it is not anything related to BGR or any other popular gossip. and i'm happy. yay, i hope she doesn't change her mind again. and..i just found out another FREAKY person likes me. and when i say that, i really REALLY mean it. FREAKY. very. i totally attract the wrong crowd. what's up with me..anyway, there isn't any much "crowd" to attract in ny gep. oh, the ms joanne tuition girls (namely: janne, sr, rach) are kindduf obsessing over this cute guy called joseph. and i don't know how cute. i need a picture. janne smsed him and he said, "your message brightened up my day!" how sweet. but bernice just had to say it sounded fake. janne was fuming..
i'm truly sorry. really truly. to people i've hurt with my sometimes curting reamarks. even if i had no intention of doing it. people have different perspectives..i am sorry. and wishing you people will forgive me..and be friends again. it's okay if you don't. i'm okay.
i think i'm shocked. have i gotten hay fever or smth?
not too long ago, i went to this bookfair. in EXPO. the selections wasn't fantastic but amazingly, my family (disincluding my dad) managed to spent $109 on books and stationeries. i bought the catherine lim book i always wanted my own. the song of silver frond. some of you may have seen me reading. i read it finish. and it's $6 bucks instead of the 20 smth dollars. great buy. and i bought a nobel prize litriture winner (the double) for $5 bucks. and this book: ten poems to change your life for $6 as well. and archie comics. for $5. one digest and one double digest. i double digest would cost almost that much.
alot of coffee (icafe vanilla) and chicken essence to keep me awake. i have no idea why i want to keep awake. you just stare at the bare ceilings thinking of things you shouldn't think of. i want to sleep...sleep...
bryan and kevin are perverts. just because i bent down. and my shirt was a little small. they had to laugh and tell everyone. you know how embarrasing it is?! i bet they don't understand because one: they are boys. and two: they both are so thick-skinned. i'm not like them. and ness just had to laugh along. i didn't really flush but i was mad and kept my eyes on the book. soo, i promised that i would rip her later. during break time. i didn't manage to..but lynn did. and i wasn't scared of being ripped. but nvm.
ohh and ss. i forgot. i got quite good. i mean like based on the other's performance. but the marks itself is not that fantastic. for portfolio, i got 26/28. and then for main paper. 30.5/40. not that fantastic...and for group work! yay! we got 35/40. without counting the reflections yet. so in total..it is: 84.1. not bad lah.
i wonder what to get lynn for her bdae. i alrd got bernice one...wonder what would lynn like.
sigh. another long day ahead. i hope time will fly back and forth. and make it seems like it never end or..it never even happened.
goodbye till later.
/ihopped at
11:37 PM
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